Just Breathe

Ever After is one of my favourite chick-flicks.  I could watch it over and over and over again.  Drew Barrymore is "Danielle", and Ever After is supposed to be the "real" Cinderella story.  We know the story of Cinderella well from our girlish childhoods.  Orphan girl is abused by her step-family… fairy godmother comes to the rescue… she meets handsome prince… they fall instantly in love… clock strikes 12 and the exotic date with the prince is over… prince desperately tries to seek his new-found love by tracking her with a glass slipper.

You might be wondering why I bring this all up today.  The fact is that the past week or so has been so out of control … or out of "balance" that yesterday I had to remind myself to breathe.  In my haste to run from office to Sears in search of a fabulous deal on a garage door opener for the new house my little ole ticker was racing and I needed to slow down and remember to breathe.

In Ever After, just before Danielle enters the ball in her fabulous angel-winged costume she reminds herself to "Just Breathe".  How often do we take that moment to catch our breath when life is spinning out of control?

I was reminded yesterday in my frenzy that instead of just taking a breathe I need to breathe in Jesus in those moments of crazy.  He is the One who calms my anxiety heart.  He is the One who is able to assist me in juggling all the balls I have flying around me between packing, Wave season at work, setting up things for the new house.  Alone I will lose my mind but with Him… breathing in Him… I will be able to not only survive the craziness that is moving during the business work season, but I will thrive because He will replace my anxiousness with peace and calm.

So… this morning… as I begin another crazy day of quotes and bookings, packing and lunch with my BFF… I will choose to breathe… breathing in the fragrance of Christ and hopefully emitting some out there as well!

John 14:27 says it best:  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid

May God's peace fill my life today… and may His peace fill yours whatever you have going on!

Until next time...

One Word… One Thing… One Lesson!

There seems to be a theme running through my mind this weekend and it starts with the word "One".

Yesterday, while chatting with a friend online, I was challenged by something she had mentioned about a challenge she took last year, and again this year, called One Word 365.  Instead of making New Year's Resolutions, this challenge encourages us to seek the one word we can grasp onto for 365 days to bring about change in our lives.  One word.  One focus.  One day at a time.  One step at a time.  One Word from God to draw us closer to His presence.

As I began to ponder the changes this challenge has made in my friend's life, hope began to bubble up in me.  Could I take one word and hand it over to God?   Could I focus on that word and what God wants to do in my life for 365 days?  Do I dare believe that I can gain victory in the area of that one word?  I spent time amidst my errands and quiet moments yesterday and again today thinking about what word I sensed God placing on my heart.  One Word.

This morning, with that one word rolling around in my brain, I listened to the "first message of 2014" at church this morning.  "C", one of our elders, shared about the journey God had taken him on in 2013 and where God wanted to take him (and all of us) in 2014.  It comes down to One Thing, he shared.  One Thing.  One focus.  One heart.  One mind.  One day at a time.  One step at a time.  One heart set on God, knowing Him, following Him, loving Him.  One Thing.

I listened to his words with great hope, great encouragement and great resolve that my One Word would help me in grasping this One Thing.  So today, this 5th day of January, I choose to share my One Word as a way of accountability.  A way of declaring my choice to desire the One Thing and to take the steps of action needed to make 2014 a victorious year.  This One Word I have chosen is something I lacked hugely in 2013 and anyone who knows me (or my blog) would have to agree that this is the one One Word I most need today, especially with a move looming over my head in a few short weeks.  With God's help, supernatural focus and some much needed discipline, 2014 will be the year for this…

I chose this word because my life this past year has been off kilter.  Unbalanced.  I'm not a juggler by nature.  I get one ball up in the air and try to toss one or two others and they all come crashing down.  If I do well in work, home, health and God suffer.  If I do home well, God and work suffer.  If I'm honest,  I rarely do God well (for if I did, the rest wouldn't suffer near as much).  On my own strength, this Type B, lazy bum can't get it together, but with the help of the Holy Spirit… who knows how many balls I will be able to juggle at once and well?!  So balance… finding the time, the energy, the focus and mind to be all that God wants me to be in each area of my life.  That is my One Word for 2014!

New Year's Resolutions

Hello Blogging Friends... I hope you don't mind but considering I am SO behind in my blogging details I am going to neglect to finish our London tour from "last" year.  It's ridiculous how bad I've become at blogging.

Did you have a good Christmas?  Make any New Year's Resolutions?

I made a few resolutions this year and if truth be told, like millions of others I didn't make it past January 1st before I broke them.  Ah the fun of trying each year!

One of the things that I NEED to resolve to do in this year is get back to losing weight and changing my eating/exercise habits.  In 2011 I did an amazing job of losing 14 lbs but after 2 almost back to back cruises, good habits fell by the wayside in 2012 and those pounds came creeping back with a couple extras tagging along.  Oh the pains of menopause and a halted metabolism.  (That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it!).

Another resolution I made this year is to find better balance between home, ministry and my new career as a cruise and travel consultant.  I am LOVING my new job, but because I'm still new at it, the research involved in getting my clients off on their dream vacation takes me longer as I scan every possibility I can for them.  Last Fall I felt like I was really dropping the ball with Abide, although my sweet team members didn't make me feel that way.  It was my own perfectionistic pressures I think.  But nonetheless, what began as a "part-time" job seems to be taking up "full-time" hours in my life and I'm trying to find the balance.  I think the difficult part is that my "job" came out of my beloved "hobby" of researching travel.  It's hard to NOT do what I love even in the evenings when I have what used to be "spare" time.  Now it is just working hours.  (Am I even making sense?)

One of my resolutions that I have been able to keep so far this year is getting into the Word every day. I decided not to read the Bible in a Year like I have in past years because I knew that I would fail at that so instead I'm reading a few devotionals each morning and pondering on those, as well as working my way through Angela Thomas' book "Choosing Joy" and writing in my prayer journal almost daily.

Have you made any resolutions this year?  How are you doing with them?

I hope to be able to come back and tell you I'm doing much better on all counts. Truly that's what these resolutions are aren't they?  Their check points in life.  Goals to better ourselves.  Some days we succeed while other days we fail.  The key though is to keep moving forward and not be in the same place as last year.  We aim to be in a better place.  A healthier place in every aspect of our lives.  That's my 2013 resolution.  Not to be who I was Dec 31, 2012 but to be a better, all-round Sue by Dec 31, 2013... and the year after that... and after that... and so on and so on.

One last thing... if you have time, be sure to check out my new travel blog Vacation Dream Maker and/or my Facebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/SueHawkesExpediaCruiseShipCentersMississauga.  If you need help planning your next vacation, whether in Canada or the U.S., let me know.  I'd love to help!

MD Reflections

This morning, as I sit in my quiet, cozy little home, avoiding Mother's Day as per usual, I am pondering just how far God has brought me on this journey of being a non-Mom.  Sure people with kids will say "Oh but you are a mother in other ways..." blah, blah, blah.  And I get that... and I appreciate their trying to include me in their celebration.  Yes, nurturing runs through my veins like most other female types, but having those with children try and appease you with thoughts (and often times best wishes) of being "in the club" ... it doesn't truly appease.  Just saying.

The reality is, not being a Mom in this Mom-filled world, especially on this day dedicated to Moms is different.  For me, it doesn't hurt anymore (for which I am forever grateful to God for sealing up that gaping wound in my heart), but the fact remains... I am not a Mom... and that's okay!  Please don't feel bad for me.  Really... I'm okay!  God just chose a different life for me and although I can show "motherly" love to those around me, you don't have to try and make my boo-boo better.  I'm really fine with it.

For me, I choose to avoid the day, not in a bitter way anymore.  It started out bitter and an excruciating reminder of what I then perceived as my shortcomings as a woman.  When my Mom passed away in 2003 the day just became void for me.  I didn't have my Mom and I wasn't a Mom.  The day became a reminder of what I didn't have and being "out there" in community (whether it be at church, out to lunch or shopping), it just became awkward while the flowers were being handed out to mothers and well-wishes were being said.  It became easier to just spend the day myself, allowing my Hubby to celebrate his Mom however he wished (sometimes including me... sometimes not which was okay too).  The first couple years after Mom died I would spend this day at her gravesite, journalling and thinking about how blessed I was to have such an amazing Mother, and missing her like crazy.  I still think and miss her today, but I don't feel the need to be close to her resting place anymore as she resides more fully in my heart (and I'm too lazy and cheap to drive the 45 minute drive to her gravesite).  Maybe one day this summer I'll go out to visit - we'll see!

I don't mean for this post to sound like I'm having a pity-party today.  Actually, as I write this post I am thinking of a dear friend who is having her first Mother's Day but it is one filled with sorrow.  Her precious little one went to be with Jesus shortly after birth.  I can't imagine how painful this day is for her today.  Thinking on her difficult day at hand I then think of the many women I know (and don't know) like her (and me) whose arms are empty today on this day dedicated to celebrating the joys of motherhood.  Oh what deep sorrow comes from the ache of empty arms.  Oh what sweet comfort comes when we take that sorrow to the foot of the Cross where Jesus can heal our hearts!

For those of you who read this today who are Moms, if you would take just a minute to pray for the women in your life (some you may know well... some may be just acquaintances).  Pray that Jesus would comfort their aching hearts on this day and that He would bring peace to their souls and minds.  May He fill them to overflowing with His love and may they find joy amidst their sorrow today!

Before I go today I do want to thank God for the gift He gave our family 4-1/2 years ago when my Dad met and remarried our precious "new" Mom, Gelene.  She has been such a beautiful and gracious addition to our family and today, as we celebrate God's healing of her cancer (she's in remission), I want to wish her a very Happy Mother's Day!  She's up north and I'm not able to see her today, but I will call her later to wish her a blessed day.  I love how God redeems the losses in our lives and Gelene is one way He's done that in our family after losing Mom!

Happy Mother's Day to my precious "New" Mom, Mother-in-Law, Sisters and Sisters-in-law... to my friends, both offline and online!  I hope you know today how truly special you are!!  Enjoy your day (and don't worry about me... I'm fine!!)  Love you all xoxo

Brain Freeze

Do you ever have so much on your mind (and plate) that your brain just freezes up?  That's where I'm at these days.  Even though Abide is officially done for the season we still have our big banquet to plan and prepare for on May 12th.  That would seem like a manageable task for this SAHW but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around that these days too.

So much is happening in the lives of loved ones in my church community these days.  It feels like so much of my mind and energy is going into prayer and tangible ways of helping that the things I need to be doing for the banquet are slipping through the cracks.  Like our silent auction for instance.  Last year we had gifts and services out the wazoo.  This year we wanted to hone it back a bit, but now I'm starting to panic because I don't feel like we have the "goods" to bring in the cash for our fundraising efforts.  Sigh.

Of course, don't you know, this then brings up a whole slew of emotional feelings of letting down the ladies, letting down the Saga day camp we're raising money for, and general feelings of failure as a leader.  Can we stop time for just a minute so I can catch my breath and search in desperation for what used to be a functioning brain?

Yet... time is ticking.  Hearts are breaking.  Banquet dates are looming.  And I need Jesus for it all!!

Take Nothing for Granted

It was a somewhat normal day, despite dropping Hubby off for yet another trip.  I spent the morning playing "hookie" from church as I slept in after an early morning and spending peaceful quiet time with Jesus, working on Abide homework.  Fleeting thoughts of Hubby in the air popped in my head but just as quickly they popped back out as I focused on God and praising Him in the Psalms.

Thanks to a wonderful new app from United Airlines, throughout the day I was able to track Hubby's flights, knowing exactly where he was over the vast mid-western States.  His plane from Chicago to Austin was delayed but that being the norm I didn't think much of it.  Instead, without a care in the world, I spent a quiet beautiful sunshiny Fall day, working on my blog and enjoying an "emergency" walk to the top of the street for Diet Coke.

I just got off the phone a few minutes ago with Hubby and to my shock (and utter terror) his plane made an emergency crash landing at the Austin airport.  Apparently, 30 minutes into their flight the crew informed the passengers that their transportation had no brakes.  Great!  Hubby told me that for a good portion of the flight  the passengers were being trained on crash landing procedures.  Man... I knew it was important to listen to those flight attendants at the start of the flight.  Hubby spent time thinking about life and even though he felt "ready" to meet his Maker, he also had time to think of what's important in life and what he still would like to accomplish in this life.

Never one to miss an opportunity, Hubby was able to pray and comfort the Christian man sitting next to him on the flight.  The man, recently battling prostate problems, wondered why God would spare his life, only to take him down in a plane crash.  Fortunately, that was NOT God's plan!  Together the men praised God for the safe, albeit nail-biting landing that took their plane to the very end of the long runway.

My reaction to hearing all of this was tears of fear and gratefulness:  Fear because I woke this morning with a fleeting thought of Hubby's safety only to find it was indeed threatened plus the fact that Hubby still needs to fly home on a United airplane;  and gratefulness because God didn't take Hubby from me.

This really causes me to think of the importance of taking  nothing for granted.  Each day we're given is a gift from God and I thank Him for sparing my Hubby's life and giving those pilots the wisdom and skill to land safely this afternoon!

Is there something you're taking for granted these days?

Suspicious Minds

I never used to be suspicious.  Really, I didn't.  But events of the past few months (maybe even years) have made me more so.  What made me think of this was a phone call I received today.

The call came in this afternoon and the call display showed "unknown caller".  Now usually I never take these calls because 9 out of 10 times they are just telemarketers.  Hesitantly I answered the call (and now I'm wondering WHY???!!!).  It was a man with a deep East Indian accent.  He asked if I was Mrs. H***** and immediately my guard went up.  "May I ask whose calling?" I inquired before giving any information out.  He proceeded to tell me he was from some "Canadian Security something or other" and mentioned the up rise of crime in my area.  Does he know about what happened recently? I wondered to myself.  I continued to listen while he rambled on asking questions like "do I live in a house or apartment?" and "do I have a security system installed".  I immediately became suspicious.  My thoughts began to run at break-neck speed in my head: "if you're from Canadian security shouldn't you KNOW if I live in an apartment or house?"  "Do I really want you to know if my house has a security system or not?  You could be a burglar or some other criminal type".  I had thought of getting Hubby on the phone, but as the man rambled on I realized he was most likely from a security company that installs home security systems and he just wants my business.  What ever happened to "don't call us, we'll call you?"  I miss those days.

So... why I'm so FREAKED OUT by calls like this (and strange men coming up to me in the grocery store asking if I want my hair trimmed at their local salon), is that this summer a few "incidents" have happened that have made me a little, shall we say, over-cautious of people.

Back in July, while Hubby was busy working in California, I took the BART (subway) into downtown San Francisco.  If you know me, you know how much I love wandering around this city.  Most times I don't even bother with a map anymore.  This particular bright sunny summer day, I got off the subway and with camera in hand, walked to Chinatown, Nob Hill, Embarcadero (at the Ferry Building) and back to Union Square, snapping pictures of the amazing architecture, all before finding the bus that would take me to the Palace of Fine Arts in the Marina district.  I hadn't a care in the world at this point but that soon changed when on the bus, a tiny, older Chinese woman informs me that a guy was trying to pick-pocket my knapsack.  Being a savy traveller, I knew that my valuables were safe but it still unnerved me to know that someone so evil was trying to harm me.  From that point on in the day my sense of security was tainted and I was definitely more suspicious of people around me and my surroundings.  As you can see... I made it back to the hotel safely!

Fast forward to two weeks ago.  At 10:45 pm I got a call that came in with "private caller" in the display.  Again, normally I don't bother with these calls but I think because of the time of day I thought it less a telemarketer and more likely someone I knew.  I was correct.  It was my next-door neighbor.  Her voice was shaky and I could tell something was wrong.  "Sue, I'm hearing those 'sex' noises again.".  The "sex-noises" she was referring to were sounds Hubby and I had heard over the past 2-3 years coming from our backyard.  We wouldn't hear it all the time but it usually happened in summer, late at night.  We thought it was the neighbors having a "good time", until we actually had the guts to ask because over time it just seemed odd that we'd hear them that clearly.  They of course, thought it was Hubby and me.   What neither of us ever thought was what it actually was.

During that terrified phone call I told my neighbor I'd go up and investigate out my window.  Hubby and I turned off the bedroom light and slowly opened the window.  I could barely hear from the loud roar of the air-conditioning unit in our backyard, but both Hubby & I could faintly hear what "J" was hearing... the sounds of a couple having a VERY good time, moaning and all.  From somewhere I found the courage to call out, "Hello?  Hello!" and then out of the shadows of my neighbor's backyard came a man in a ball cap and jeans into our backyard.  Long story short, the "sex sounds" stopped when I called out and he appeared and he gave us some story about being a neighbor a couple doors down and heard something too.  He even suggested it was someone across the fence... in the police station parking lot.  (uh... ya fella!  That's where it's coming from!)  I was still on the phone and instructed my neighbor to put her back light on and the guy quickly took off "to investigate down the row of townhouses".

Interestingly enough, when the police came to talk to "J" (and us), they had also gotten a call from another woman at the other end of our units who had seen the guy peering into her window.  He'd had a busy night I'm guessing.  They haven't caught the creeper yet but he sure has freaked us all out and made me feel rather suspicious of people in my neighborhood now, even the police constable who called to come get more information from Hubby and I later that week!

I don't like being suspicious.  It's taken away my feelings of security, innocence (or what was left of that) and has made me feel more cynical and distrusting of people.  I even feel like it's taken a little of my joy.  But I know that the enemy is behind it all and I really don't want him to "win".  He can't take my true security because that comes from the Lord and he can't really take all my peace because Jesus gives me "peace that passes all understanding".  These incidents have made me realize though that we do live in an evil world and it's not going to get a whole lot better in the future without God and His Holy Spirit coming into people's lives, changing them from darkness to light.  Instead of being afraid of everything and everyone, I need to remember daily, minute by minute, to pray for God's protection in my life, but also to pray for His will to be done on this earth and that includes praying for those who "tresspass" against me, even in my own backyard!

Mind Race

Ever have those days (months... years) when you're mind is racing at 100mph and you want to stop and contemplate big things but that crazy, racing mind won't let you settle on one or two important thoughts?  That's been me of late.  Each time I sit down to write my blog, I hope and anticipate in sharing something profound and, well... useful for you to read.  Some days I succeed as God plants a wonderful nugget in my brain.  Other days, I've got nothing for you other than sometimes boring details of my mundane life or fluff from my addiction to reality tv for your entertainment pleasure.  Today, I'm not sure what you're going to get... perhaps a mish-mash of both.

Yesterday, a dear friend from church came over for a short visit.  This woman is one of those people I would never have dreamed that we'd be such fast friends.  She's a super quiet, older Asian woman with 2 grown boys. As you can see, we don't have much in "common" (considering I'm a loud, younger, Caucasian woman with no children), yet God, in His amazingly, surprising way, introduced us and we just clicked.  Most people don't know that this woman is hilariously funny and absolutely charming because she is like a quiet little church mouse at Abide, yet she has incredible depth, wisdom and an unbelievable gift of prayer and sensing God's voice.  For example, remember last week when I was all bummed out with Hubby away and I couldn't function?  My friend "sensed" loneliness over me, prayed for me and called to get together to check up on me.  How cool is THAT!  We all need friends like that, don't we?  In fact... we all need to BE friends like that!

As she and I chatted yesterday, I asked her some pointed questions about our ladies' group at church.  During this hiatus from Abide I've been doing a lot of soul searching and seeking God on where, as a church group of ladies, we need to be going.  One thing that not only came up yesterday, but came up on the weekend when I inquired of another woman from church, is that our ladies' group has the "feeling" of cliquishness.  I think I understand where they are coming from because, although we have a small church in numbers (compared to mega-churches  of 1000s), there seems to be a spirit of "detachment" or "isolation" amongst people.  Hubby and I have struggled with it often in our 14 or so years there - that struggle of trying to fit in.  It could be a function of fast-paced, big-city life, but I'm not accepting that as a good enough reason in the Body of Christ.  We can do better than that!

So that's where my muddled thoughts are lately.  I'm reading, researching and praying about how we, as a leadership team of women, can break this feeling of cliquishness many women are feeling in this area of our ministry and church.  I read recently that the heart of any church is the women and women's ministry.  Um... no pressure there huh?!  With that knowledge, I am more determined in my spirit to bring glory to God and encourage the women of our church into a spirit of unity and strength.  One of my big stumbling blocks? Me!  Even with a deep-seated passion for ladies, I still get in the way of God doing awesome things.  So I ask you, my online buddies... will you pray for me this summer, that God would clear the fog in my head so I can hear clearly from Him on where He wants to lead me in leading the ladies of our congregation into a deeper relationship with Him and one another?  Thanks in advance (I know some of you will take up that request and run with it, like my friend I told you about above!).

Now that I've got that off my chest.... back to 30 Day Photo Fun pics... (just for you Jenn!).

Day 22 ~ Landscape

Okay... now I'm really cheating for this photo challenge today!  This picture we took last September up in Napa Valley, California.  We had gone to the amazing Castello di Amarosa winery... a real castle that you can tour (as well as sample wine!). While on the tour, we found out that Adam Sandler's movie "Bedtime Stories" had a few scenes filmed here.  (We of course went home and rewatched the movie to check it out!).  This landscape scene is from an outdoor patio looking out over the lush green grapevines.  They even let you sample the grapes off the vine - we tried merlot and cabernet grapes - YUM!

Day 23 ~ Black and White

Now this picture I did take today, but I "cheated" in that I made it Black & White after the fact using Paint Shop Pro.  I tried to take a B&W picture with the camera but it was either out of focus or over/under exposed.  Must learn how to do that better!  This little bear sits on our front hall mirror, ready to welcome guests when they visit.  His name is 'Scruffy S Beariluved' and he's just one of MANY little furry (stuffed) friends that live in my house.  

Okay... I've taken up much too much of your time today so... until next time!