MD Reflections

This morning, as I sit in my quiet, cozy little home, avoiding Mother's Day as per usual, I am pondering just how far God has brought me on this journey of being a non-Mom.  Sure people with kids will say "Oh but you are a mother in other ways..." blah, blah, blah.  And I get that... and I appreciate their trying to include me in their celebration.  Yes, nurturing runs through my veins like most other female types, but having those with children try and appease you with thoughts (and often times best wishes) of being "in the club" ... it doesn't truly appease.  Just saying.

The reality is, not being a Mom in this Mom-filled world, especially on this day dedicated to Moms is different.  For me, it doesn't hurt anymore (for which I am forever grateful to God for sealing up that gaping wound in my heart), but the fact remains... I am not a Mom... and that's okay!  Please don't feel bad for me.  Really... I'm okay!  God just chose a different life for me and although I can show "motherly" love to those around me, you don't have to try and make my boo-boo better.  I'm really fine with it.

For me, I choose to avoid the day, not in a bitter way anymore.  It started out bitter and an excruciating reminder of what I then perceived as my shortcomings as a woman.  When my Mom passed away in 2003 the day just became void for me.  I didn't have my Mom and I wasn't a Mom.  The day became a reminder of what I didn't have and being "out there" in community (whether it be at church, out to lunch or shopping), it just became awkward while the flowers were being handed out to mothers and well-wishes were being said.  It became easier to just spend the day myself, allowing my Hubby to celebrate his Mom however he wished (sometimes including me... sometimes not which was okay too).  The first couple years after Mom died I would spend this day at her gravesite, journalling and thinking about how blessed I was to have such an amazing Mother, and missing her like crazy.  I still think and miss her today, but I don't feel the need to be close to her resting place anymore as she resides more fully in my heart (and I'm too lazy and cheap to drive the 45 minute drive to her gravesite).  Maybe one day this summer I'll go out to visit - we'll see!

I don't mean for this post to sound like I'm having a pity-party today.  Actually, as I write this post I am thinking of a dear friend who is having her first Mother's Day but it is one filled with sorrow.  Her precious little one went to be with Jesus shortly after birth.  I can't imagine how painful this day is for her today.  Thinking on her difficult day at hand I then think of the many women I know (and don't know) like her (and me) whose arms are empty today on this day dedicated to celebrating the joys of motherhood.  Oh what deep sorrow comes from the ache of empty arms.  Oh what sweet comfort comes when we take that sorrow to the foot of the Cross where Jesus can heal our hearts!

For those of you who read this today who are Moms, if you would take just a minute to pray for the women in your life (some you may know well... some may be just acquaintances).  Pray that Jesus would comfort their aching hearts on this day and that He would bring peace to their souls and minds.  May He fill them to overflowing with His love and may they find joy amidst their sorrow today!

Before I go today I do want to thank God for the gift He gave our family 4-1/2 years ago when my Dad met and remarried our precious "new" Mom, Gelene.  She has been such a beautiful and gracious addition to our family and today, as we celebrate God's healing of her cancer (she's in remission), I want to wish her a very Happy Mother's Day!  She's up north and I'm not able to see her today, but I will call her later to wish her a blessed day.  I love how God redeems the losses in our lives and Gelene is one way He's done that in our family after losing Mom!

Happy Mother's Day to my precious "New" Mom, Mother-in-Law, Sisters and Sisters-in-law... to my friends, both offline and online!  I hope you know today how truly special you are!!  Enjoy your day (and don't worry about me... I'm fine!!)  Love you all xoxo