I Know How You Feel

Sitting in church yesterday morning, our pastor had each of us take a slip of blank paper from the pew holder in front of us.  With the paper he instructed us to take a pen, and with our non-dominant hand, that would be my left hand, and write these words:  "I know how you feel".  Easy enough.

Then, as he recited off a few scenarios, such as "if you've ever lost a job" or "if you've ever felt alone in a crowd", we were to get up from our seats and exchange our piece of paper with someone else.  A symbolic gesture to let them know we understand.  I liked this exercise because I know all too well the importance of someone coming alongside and saying those 5 "magic" words.

Two events in my life come to my mind where those words were like balm to my parched, wounded soul.  One was after my Mom died in 2003.  For almost a year after her death, I felt as if I lived in a black hole.  Never before, not even in the height of infertility grief, had I felt so alone.  Then, my childhood and still BFF would every so often call and check in on me.  She understood.  Her Mom had passed away shortly after she & I both got married in 1994.  She knew how it felt so her radar was on and she made sure to be there for me.  After the 1 year anniversary of Mom's death, my radar had kicked in too and most of the time, I am able to walk alongside a friend as my BFF did because I can relate to what they are going through.

The other event that impacted my life in this area was a few years ago.  Realizing that menopause was fast approaching and children were still nowhere on the horizon of our home, I knew that I needed to wrestle through with God this fertility issue once and for all:  how could I bear to live the rest of my life not ever becoming a Mom?   This reality frightened me.  It crippled me with pain ~ a pain so great I didn't know if I would ever survive it.  I needed God's help for this.  Scouring Scripture for examples of barren women, I couldn't find a single one who never got their child.  How do I do this? I would cry out to God. 

Then I began to revist again the "door" of adoption that God had closed back near the start of our journey.  I had never and have never felt a "call" to adopt but I was open to it a little if God truly wanted hubby and I to go down that road.  I began researching and praying, opening the door a crack to see if God would fling it open in my heart and in tangible ways.  Instead though, He did something else.  I don't remember how it happened, but God led me to not one but two books, both written by Christian women who were infertile ~ both who never had children, both who never became Moms.

I devoured these books and the one in particular (I can't remember the name or author right now) made me, for the first time in about a decade, feel "normal".  She got me.  Written on the pages of her book she said, "I know how you feel".  And she survived!  This was a turning point for me.  This was a huge step.  It was as if she took that big old bowl of lemons, handed them to me and said, "Girl... go make yourself some  lemonade!"

So as I think back to these two milestones in my life, I am reminded from yesterday's sermon the importance of community.  Whether it's our neighborhoods, churches, or here online, we are all part of community.  When we stand together, holding each other's hands and hearts, and say "I know how you feel", life gets just a little bit easier.  Can you identify with someone who is hurting today?  Is there someone you need to say those 5 words to?  Maybe like me back then, you need someone to say those words to you.  Ask God to bring someone with a vial of healing balm in their words to walk alongside you.  We need each other.  Life is too hard to walk alone.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9,10