Farewell Forties

Today is my last day in my forties.  I am in denial that the big 5-0 is here at exactly 1:06am tomorrow morning.

When I think back to the eve of turning 40 I remember it being such a bitter-sweet time.  I was sad because 40 would be my first birthday without my Mom here on earth.  It was somewhat sobering to realize that she wasn't here for that milestone in her baby's life.  It was a sweet time as we escaped to my sister's house in NC so I didn't have to face my birthday at home.

I generally like to escape for my birthday.  It somehow makes it more fun and celebratory when I'm not at home cooking, cleaning or doing "normal" day to day things.  I don't know about you but I believe birthdays are a big deal and deserve to be celebrated in extra special ways.

When I think about turning 50 I have to be honest, I get a little scared.  If I thought 40 was the "straddling life" milestone, I sort of feel that turning 50 is like looking the down the barrel of a gun.  I fear that all the bad habits of my youth are going to catch up with me in the decade.  Life is not going to be as sweet.  Life is well over half-way now, particularly when my father-in-law passed away at 60 and my Mom at 72.  Heaven is getting closer than I realize ... and although on one hand that excites me, on the other hand it frightens me.

This summer we have been bombarded with bad news of the dreaded "C" word (cancer if you hadn't figured that out) hitting many of those we care for - my BFF's hubby, my Monday-morning colleague/travel buddy, my precious online friend on the other side of the world, a lonely single-man friend of Hubby's from church.  So much pain.  So much sorrow.  It gets depressing if we think about it too long.

Thankfully in spite of the fear, the sorrow, the pain... of watching those we care about suffer... and turning 50, we have One who casts those cares away.  He replaces the darkness of the situation we encounter with Hope... with Joy... with Purpose.

I will choose today to embrace this new decade and to attempt to live each day to the full... in the fullness of all God has planned for me.

Until next time...