The Joys and Frustrations of Being Married to a Phlegmatic

I love my hubby more than words can say. I love everything about him from his gentle nature to his passion for Jesus Christ. I love the way he loves me and how he has shown me more about God's love and grace than anyone else. I love his heart that has such compassion for others. But his temperament... Hmm. Do I love that? I do but there are tremendous joys and frustrations with it!

My hubby is highly phlegmatic. What's that you ask? Here is a perfect description of my hubby's strengths HERE. In fact, my hubby is textbook Phlegmatic temperament and it sometimes drives me CRAZY!

On the upside of his temperament he will never make a snap decision that we will regret forever. He weighs every decision he makes very carefully and prays about everything so as to not make a move outside of the will of God. This is good. I never have to fear him getting us in over our head financially or otherwise.

But the downside of his temperament is that he moves like molasses! (Read HERE to see phlematic weaknesses) About 8-10 years ago we had the opportunity to purchase our "dream" house at a reasonable price but hubby wasn't willing to step out and take a risk even though the payments would be exactly what we're paying for our present home. Those same houses have gone up double in value over those years and now we couldn't afford one unless I went back to work full-time with a high paying job.

My temperament has some phlegmatic but I am mostly sanguine (strengths defined HERE and weaknesses HERE). Hubby's need to process everything with a fine tooth comb can make me in sane. It makes me feel like I'm living on a roller coaster ride and today, I just want off the ride!

Here's the 411 on what's making me nuts tonight. As you know from my weekend post we spent ALL DAY Saturday out test driving cars and "crunching numbers" with the salespeople. We have also been back to the Auto Mall Monday afternoon, Tuesday afternoon and now Wednesday afternoon. Have we purchased a car yet? No. Have we narrowed down our choices? Yes. Have we driven the salespeople around the bend with our indecision? Most definitely! Will we be buying a car soon? I'm not sure!

What???? you're probably wondering. Well, after all of this (which NONE of it was my idea), hubby is thinking that perhaps his 212,500km Protege has some life left in it and we should hold off. Fine! But he hasn't decided that. What he does keep "reminding" me is that if I went back to work we could afford it. I have mentioned in about 100 different ways that I am not opposed to going back to work part-time but I don't want to get locked into a situation like my last job where I lost myself and became depressed. I don't want to get locked into a position so I can't travel with him anymore but I am ready to get out of the house and try a new, "temporary" or part-time challenge. I can't do it today though. I can't go tomorrow. I can't even go most of June because of puppy sitting and baby sitting stints I have coming up. I don't know what else to tell him!

He is not pressuring me to go to work mind you at least not outwardly. He tells me the decision is all mine BUT if I want to move or have a car when his dies then I will have to get out there and work. I am confused. My brain feels scattered and my heart hurts from the events of this past week. I honestly feel like I've just been through the spin cycle in the washing machine. It's crazy!

I respect my hubby so much and KNOW that every decision he makes is what he feels is best for us but sometimes I wish he wouldn't have pulled me into this. I really could have done without my hopes being raised high in the sky with a beautiful new car (with a sunroof to boot!) only to have him now back peddling in his decision. I just want to say forget it & we'll stay status quo once again. I'm tired of hoping for change in our life only to never make any kind of move forward. And honestly, I feel like everything (a house, a car) rests on me getting a job. I'm weary!

Sorry for the rant but this has weighed heavy on my heart ever since we got home from the Auto Mall today. One of hubby's co-workers was telling him our buying a car was a stupid decision when we really want a house. The problem with that though is that there are no homes in the price range we can afford that are worth moving to and what's the point of moving to somewhere else if it's not what you want? Is your life this complicated and frustrating? Am I being unreasonable? Am I wanting things that just aren't possible? How do make it work with kids AND being home? I can't even imagine all of this with kids in the picture!

Thanks for indulging me tonight. I'm sure tomorrow's post will be less stressful! I leave you with one thought though... How did this hubby of mine decide to propose to me after only weeks of dating?? That was TOTALLY a God thing!